You want a Men’s Day, Go ahead

March 9, 2012 § 3 Comments

Every second day, there is at least one post on facebook disparaging women, usually in form of jokes. Some are funny, some are not. But always there, in your face. Then on International Women’s Day, the number of such posts multiplies. There are few about how there is no men’s day or some way of saying men have it worse. It pisses me off. Yes, it’s a joke. I get it. But do you get it? It’s the jokes like this which keeps sexism alive. It’s your funny comment which keeps problems faced by women under wraps or be made trivialized.
You want a men’s day. Go ahead, Have it. I just want to be safe. Promise me there will be no rape. Promise me I won’t be beaten up by my boyfriend or husband. Promise me I won’t be killed in the womb itself, just because I’m a girl. Promise me I won’t be patronized at work because of my gender.
You can’t promise any of this. All you can do is to show me the respect I deserve. So how about you start showing it? Humor is good, humor is fun. But when humor leads to more stereotyping, maybe you need better subjects/topics.
As a woman, I don’t want an International Women’s Day. I don’t want reservations. I don’t want any special treatment. I feel sad that we still need to have it. All I ask is for equality. Ability to lead my life as I choose to. Be treated with respect. Is it really so much to ask?

Judge Much?

April 10, 2011 § 2 Comments

Easiest thing to do as a human being is to judge others. Each generation starts with a set of values and everyone is judged against this set. Go astray from this trail and 100 eyes follow you with disdain. So we play nice and stick to validated paths. How sad?
And it’s not just the older generation who passes on these judgments. We are equally responsible. We do it everyday, with everyone. Bad mother, slut on metro, irresponsible father!! How many of these labels did you pass in last one week? How many were really deserved? How many were based on your archaic idea of behavior?
I get it. It’s easy to put a label on a person without really getting to know her/him. And of course, it’s tax free. No one needs permission to do it. It provides cheap and easy entertainment. It also gives you a new topic to talk about.
But have you ever thought about the aftermath, the result? The fact that you just reinforced an idea that some of us have tried centuries to fight?
Worse are women. Labeling other women because of clothes, smoking habits? Really!!!
Colleague comments about a girl she saw in metro, who was openly displaying her bra straps. According to this colleague, that girl should’ve dressed appropriately and she was inviting men to molest her.
100yrs of women freedom!! This is what we have in the end. Someone fought for you to have right to vote. Someone fought, so you could be educated and treated equally. And you repay all that by repeating obsolete ideas, Making sure other women (like your friends/daughters) stay down. Shame on you. Right to be equal, to stand up on our own is Huge. Don’t throw it away just because society says women need to behave in certain manner. Stand up for yourself and other women.

Silent Warriors..

October 21, 2010 § Leave a comment

The day my mom was admitted in hospital, she cooked my favorite dish in morning. Just because night before I was complaining about dinner. First thing she asked after coming out of operating theater was about my dad, if he’s doing ok. Such are Moms. Even when they are not well, they are thinking about their family.
I see so many women around me who quietly go on, making sure everything runs smoothly at home, everything is covered at work. Hardly anyone stops and notices them. Of course, culture in West is different. Husbands are supposed to help out. But, not in India. It’s a woman’s job to take care of children. Yes, things are changing. But not as fast as we would like them to be.
But of course, there are exceptions. Some women do make sure you acknowledge their effort even though it’s bare minimum. From what I’ve seen, the ones complaining about so much to do are the ones hardly doing anything. Don’t get me wrong, maybe I’m generalizing too much. But that’s the feeling I get from knowing all these women. Then there are real ‘silent warriors’ who make sacrifices without a word.
My closest friend chose to quit and stay at home, so she can take care of her daughter. Lot of people didn’t like it. Giving up, they said. What about so many other mothers, they asked. Few months down the line, you can see the difference. She’s happier. Her daughter is happier and Healthier, More confident. She doesn’t have to apologize for wanting to be a good mother. It’s all about priorities, you see.
A colleague skips lazying around in the morning to reach work well before others, so she can leave early and spend quality time with her daughter. Everyday she does it. And I’ve never heard her complain. Again, priorities. She actually makes sure she gets to spend time with her daughter than complain about lack of time.
Another friend relies on her nanny and is unapologetic. After all, it takes a strong person to admit you can’t do everything. In her words, “I know I can’t do it alone. And if I can afford it, why not take help?” You’ll never hear her whine at work about how her time is all about her son and is so difficult to manage the two (work and family).

These are 3 completely different personalities, and managing in way they think is best.

But then there are females who claim their child is most important to them and yet, they don’t hesitate to ignore that child to get brownie points at work. Then, there are ones who complain about cooking at home and then bark orders at maid about cutting vegetables, kneading dough etc etc (As another friend said, if someone else will do all preparatory work, I’m ready to cook daily). Issue I have with such people is ‘Nobody asked you to do this. Want to spend time with child. Leave early. Quit. Do whatever gets things done. Don’t want to cook. Get a maid. Don’t tell us how hard your life is. We have our own set of problems.’

Ok, I digress. The whole point was ‘Don’t toot your own horn, Just go ahead and do what you want to’ (without blaming world for it)
Your child knows and when he/she’s 30, they’ll thank the stars for such a wonderful mom 🙂 (before that they might be rebelling)

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