February 8, 2012 § 2 Comments
It started about two weeks back. One of our family friend’s son got married, and of course that depressed my mother. And like a true mother, she decided to take me to the task. So we had our first fight in a long time. It ended up in both being in tears. I understand her reasons. She’s being described as a bad mother by most of our relatives including my grand-mother for having such children. One married against family’s wishes and doesn’t visit them anymore. Other remains a spinster and has moved to a different country altogether. I should’ve been patient with her, But I wasn’t. I hated being blamed for doing what I think is right. And I hated the fact that I have to bear the brunt of anger towards my brother as well. I spent evening mostly being depressed about being such a disappointment as a daughter. Luckily it got better a day later. Scars were there, but healing.
Til it happened again last night. I tried to tell her that she shouldn’t say things like this. I knew she was hurting due to my brother’s recent lack of calls to her. He has always been her star and she can’t stand not talking to him. So we hurled words that we didn’t mean. We shed tears and stopped talking to each other again.
Now, no matter how much I try to understand it, I cannot grasp the concept of their happiness being related to my marital status. More so, because it’s always prompted by snide remarks of the relatives. Why do these relatives worry so much about my life? I know they don’t care about me. I doubt if anyone would give me their kidney, if required? So Why? Why as an Indian Society, we are so obsessed with marriages? Why does something has to be wrong with the girl and her up-bringing if she chooses to wait for her mr. right?
It’s not that I do no want to get married. I will. Maybe. Or maybe not. But whatever it will be, it will be on my own terms. I refuse to be tied by chains of tradition. Yes, it makes me depressed. Yes, it is the reason for my recent anxiety comeback. Yes, I end up in tears half the time. Yes, I feel guilty and responsible. But you know what? Even after all this, I refuse to give up. My life is not a game where you can place me anywhere as a pawn. If I have to spend rest of my life as a pariah, I will. If it means I die alone, surrounded by fishes, Let it be. At least it will be on my own terms and world can suck it.
September 2, 2011 § 2 Comments
Every movement has its high point and its low point. To make it successful, I would imagine we want average to be closer to high point rather than the low one.
One of the recent movements in India was against Corruption. If you have read my blog before, you know where I stand. Sadly it’s a movement which reached its’ peak pretty quickly, but I doubt if average result is even closer to middle. While everyone jumped aboard, How many started following it?
India against Corruption is an awesome movement, no doubt. It was high time that something was done about it. But the way we went about it, was it the right approach? My argument has always been that it’s our fault. Each time you pay a cop to get away from a fine, you add to statistics. You raise the average. Each time, you brag about it, you make it attractive, something worth doing.
Now the argument given by lot of people is that Corruption starts from Top. If you clean the top, bottom will cleanse automatically. Basically what you are telling me is, You want corruption to go away as long as someone else cleans it up, not you.
Then the whole Anna Drama. I support the cause. I agree corruption needs to go away. But is a Hunger-strike the only way to do it? If you can blackmail government by just a hunger-strike, what does it mean for democracy? Should a terrorist be allowed to go free tomorrow, because some people can do hunger strike on his behalf? How can I relate the two, you ask? Well, Because in principal, they are same. You cannot turn blind eye to one thing and not another. It’s a classic black and white situation. Either government can be blackmailed or it cannot be. There’s no gray area that on some causes it can be and on some it cannot. Sorry doesn’t work that way.
All I ask is stop asking government to do things for you. Start doing them yourself. Ask questions at every level. Choose your representatives wisely. Play Devil’s advocate each time. There’s no way corruption can survive if you remove it from roots. Bring Honesty back in vogue.
So, in nutshell, I’ll continue to not pay bribe to anyone. But I’ll not attend your hunger strike or support it.
September 14, 2010 § 2 Comments
I never had any complaint against Indian Passport Department. I didn’t bribe anyone, Never had to argue. Just went to Passport Office in Delhi. Submitted form. Within 2 months, had passport in Hand. No issues anywhere. (Oh yes, My parents did serve tea to the Police verification guy. Their logic – “We were having tea when he arrived. It’s bad manners not to serve it :P”)
Then we shifted to Noida. After 4 years of living here, I decided to get my address updated. And, like any other net-savvy citizen, I went to Indian Passport Office website, visited the local Ghaziabad office website as well. Turns out both had different forms for ‘Change in Address’. Printed out and filled both. For Address proof, I took 2 different documents (Copy of PF a/c Passbook and letter from Office). I thought I was ready to take on the passport department. Little did I knew. Turns out, you need to use different form. And more photocopies. More money. Different Queue. Aaargh.. After half day, My application is finally submitted. Let’s hope my passport reaches me in a month.
Anyways, here’s the new process for Change in Address:
1. Form required is Form No. 1. Yes, it’s the new passport application form (Screw the dept website. I spoke to 3 different officers including passport officer in Ghaziabad passport office. )
2. Documents required:
- Address proof (I used copy of SBI passbook and office declaration – general advice is get something from government like Driving License/Voter Card/national bank’s passbook/statement)
- Copy of Original Passport – First 4 pages and last 4 pages. Basically 4 photostats (2 pages get xeroxed on 1 page). No visa copies are required. Also, doesn’t matter is last pages except for address are empty. You still need to provide them.
- Original Passport
3. Fill up the form. Attach Photograph. (Do note now the size required is 3.5cm X 3.5cm)
4. Go to Passport Office and Submit form along with Rs. 1000/-. Counter would be the Re-issue/Minor Passports one.
5. After verifying the passport and it’s xerox copy, you’ll get old passport back. So don’t worry.
6. Now Wait. And Wait.
Update: 8-Oct-2010: Passport has been delivered. All shiny and no mistakes that I could notice. And, No, we didn’t pay the police verification person.
Impressed with the efficiency shown in this case.
May 29, 2010 § 13 Comments
In India, we grow up knowing the fact, we’ll have to get married. While we dream of a love marriage, our parents dream of an arranged one. With changing times, parents are changing as well. And older you get, more flexible they are.
Here are the stages parents go through with your age.
You are Below 22 – Its plain ‘No Love Marriage’ phase. Parents are usually like “No Love Marriage. You’ll marry the guy we choose for you”
You are around 24 – It’s Same caste Phase. They go like “We don’t care about love or arrange marriage, as long as guy is from same caste as ours.”
You are around 26 – It’s Caste No Bar phase. They change to “Hell with caste. As long as guy is from same religion as ours.”
You are around 28 – It’s Religion No Bar phase. They now tell you “As long as guy is Indian, we have no issues”
You have crossed 30 – It’s Nationality No Bar phase. Finally your parents have given up all hope. “Just get married. We want to see you settled. We don’t care who and from where.”
June 17, 2009 § 3 Comments
..you would see two auto-rickshaw drivers holding a conversation while driving in two different lanes, oblivious to the vehicles behind them.
March 18, 2009 § 4 Comments
with shaadi.com (Great Indian Matrimonial Site)
If you click on same gender profile, this is what you see “Get in touch with XXXX – You cannot express interest in members of the same gender.”
How mean is this? So Had I been interested in same gender, they won’t help me in getting married? Do I have no dreams? Can’t I wish for my princess instead of Knight?
I’m sad and hurt for my other self in alternate reality who might be leaning towards girls.. Babe, you need to work on it yourself.