February 22, 2012 § Leave a comment
If anyone ever asks me about my most annoying trait – it would be mood swings. From a week of being sad and whiny, I can go to a week of being happy and bubbly. If you ask me about my best trait – it would be same, Mood Swings. After all, How many people find it easier to get so happy from being depressed within matter of days. No, I’ve checked. I’m not bi-polar. Yet.
That said, I did have mild panic attack yesterday. You know the one where you can’t breathe and you have to get out of the building. I’m inclined to blame it on my Low BP problem. But anyways, I was at Alain de Botton talk at Town Hall. Rushed out of the door the moment talk got over, just so I could buy his book and get it signed early. I was in a good spot in the queue and Bam, panic attack. Had to get out of the building. Take few deep breaths. Stand there for 10 minutes, thinking what to do. I decided to be brave and went back in to buy the book and did get it signed. Mighty proud of that, I am.
Yes, I should be worried that it could’ve been serious like last few times (I was shuttled to hospital and put on oxygen). But I’m being positive. I could see the signs. Took action. And managed it all alone. How awesome is that?
This also shows I’m in Happy week zone. I don’t why, but I am. I feel more relaxed and excited about future. Maybe because Uni is starting from next week or that I’m meeting old friends this week or maybe just because..
February 7, 2012 § 2 Comments
We like to believe that there’s nothing wrong with us. Esp when it comes down to mental health. We pretend we are ok, sometimes we lie that we are ok, sometimes we ignore if we are not ok. Once in a while, sense kicks in and we seek help. Friends, Family and Medical Professionals. I’ve mentioned before how rarely we actually reach out for professional help. And for what reason? Nothing, but because we look down upon people who need professional help.
I’ve personally struggled with anxiety for years. I’ve been on medication, off medication. Been alright for years, have had panic attacks, been hospitalized for it, have scared friends and family at times. And it’s a fact I’ve kept hidden from most people. Because it’s shameful to admit you might have a mental health related problem. And one time when I did admit, my then BF broke up with me saying he couldn’t handle any other episode of my panic attack. So here we are. You have a problem, but you hide it. You feel bad about it. You lie about it. Not realizing, all this might be just adding on the stress, which in turn propagates your problem.
So finally you decide to be brave and open about it. Which is kinda funny, because let’s face it, it’s really not that serious a problem til of course, you are in a hospital unable to breathe. So when this week, I found myself at edge again, I decided to be smart and went back on my medication. (Which is what my last GP recommended). And I found myself talking to a good friend about life and situations and the fact I’m back on medication. Reaction was not what I expected. He wants me to go off them. Because they are not healthy. And I can see his point.
Most people are afraid of any medication that has to do with anxiety or depression. They see it as a pathway to new addiction. In some cases, it might be very much true. But here’s a thing, if someone is struggling with depression or anxiety, don’t ever tell them to stop medication. Nobody likes to have a pill control their life. We all are trying our very best to be normal, or as normal as one can be. Sometimes we need help, sometimes a crutch. And if we are lucky, we get out of it alive, unscathed.
So I might be most happy-go-lucky girl you know, but sometimes I visit dark places. Don’t try to judge me too badly about it. I’m holding on the railing and hopefully will be out soon.