March 1, 2012 § 1 Comment
Yes, you do.
And Sometimes you need to let go of things from past, before you can grab new ones.
Few days back, I was miserable. I was lonely. I was stressed. And to top it all, someone I thought of as a friend made me feel bad. I think it was that incident with so-called friend, which was my kick in the butt. I got up, took stock of situation. RSVP’d yes to almost all the invites I had received. And look where it got me.
I’ve been having absolute ball of time from past two weeks. Weekend getaways, Friday nights where drinks result in bit of pub crawl, movie nights, winery tour, more boardgames, more movies. It’s been a fun time. Very little rest, but fun nonetheless. And I have been meeting most wonderful people along the way.
Now here’s the thing, I wouldn’t have accepted some of these people in my life, if not for that kick in the butt. I was lonely and I decided not to be. And how wonderful it is.
Moral of the story is ‘Doesn’t matter if life gives you lemons, you can always use it with tequila’. No, that’s not it. It is ‘Sometimes you need to let go of pre-conceived notions in head, and let other people in’
In my demented view, some people weren’t worth the effort due to age/interests/other factors. And now I’m just glad I did make an effort.
February 27, 2012 § 2 Comments
Have you noticed how we always share our woes and pain, but rarely the happiness? (Ok, I *do* that). So I thought why not post when I’m relatively happy (Ok, nauseatingly).
I’ve been feeling better since last weekend. Been off the anxiety pills. Yay for me. Clearly Board games were a good influence and yes, that weekend was lot of fun and much-needed.
In the past week, I
– Saw Alain de Botton. So awesome. Another author to fan over.
– Went to 4 different places in one night. Yes, I’m young again.
– Went to Wine and Paella tasting at a winery. If it wasn’t for the heat, it would’ve been a highlight of the month. But free Sangria bottle more or less makes up for it.
– Slept for 12 hours. Beat that.
– Finished reading 5 books and saw so much TV.
– Met some awesome people.
– Also met old friends. And have started a new tradition with 2 friends that we’ll definitely do monthly lunch/coffee if nothing else.
– Not to mention, No hangover after whole night of G&T. I’m never drinking anything else again.
Clearly, my happy mood brings happy situations and happy people in my life. Uni starts from tomorrow. So excited about that. Will start stressing about essays and lab reports from next week.
February 22, 2012 § Leave a comment
If anyone ever asks me about my most annoying trait – it would be mood swings. From a week of being sad and whiny, I can go to a week of being happy and bubbly. If you ask me about my best trait – it would be same, Mood Swings. After all, How many people find it easier to get so happy from being depressed within matter of days. No, I’ve checked. I’m not bi-polar. Yet.
That said, I did have mild panic attack yesterday. You know the one where you can’t breathe and you have to get out of the building. I’m inclined to blame it on my Low BP problem. But anyways, I was at Alain de Botton talk at Town Hall. Rushed out of the door the moment talk got over, just so I could buy his book and get it signed early. I was in a good spot in the queue and Bam, panic attack. Had to get out of the building. Take few deep breaths. Stand there for 10 minutes, thinking what to do. I decided to be brave and went back in to buy the book and did get it signed. Mighty proud of that, I am.
Yes, I should be worried that it could’ve been serious like last few times (I was shuttled to hospital and put on oxygen). But I’m being positive. I could see the signs. Took action. And managed it all alone. How awesome is that?
This also shows I’m in Happy week zone. I don’t why, but I am. I feel more relaxed and excited about future. Maybe because Uni is starting from next week or that I’m meeting old friends this week or maybe just because..
February 16, 2012 § 1 Comment
I have found a new hobby. Yes, I really needed another one. It’s Board games. Oh yes, my childhood obsession with Business and Monopoly has now evolved into spending whole sunday playing Euro games/Cafe games with other adults. And it’s so much fun. I’m meeting new people, some are quite nice.
And I’m off to a weekend away to play uninterrupted with few Board-gamers. I’m still on learning curve. So People have to explain the rules each time I sit down on a table. But I’m getting good at it. And once in a while, I’m winning too. Though I’m worried about the time when I will have learned these and my competitive streak will come out. Ooh. Need to keep that in check. We don’t want to lose any more friends now, do we?
My obsession with arranging all my tiny players in order is already earning me the title of OCD girl. And just for the record, I’m not OCD. I just like things in particular order.
That said, I feel upset that I can’t afford to buy any games as of now. Maybe few months down the line. Not that I need another addition to my compulsion of shopping. Talking of which, I’ve not bought a single book in almost 2 months. How great is that. Also, No shoes or Bags. I feel so proud that I might go buy a little treat for myself.
Anyways, back to the board games. If I’m missing next week, you know where to look for my body. Certain holiday home in Philips Island. And you better take away their board games as punishment, that will teach them to kill me.
February 11, 2012 § 2 Comments
I lie in this bed, sick again. I look at my life and wonder if I made wrong choice somewhere. So many people tell me that I did, but I can’t get myself to believe them. That must mean I’m doing it right, no?
I know I should be upset about ex, being alone and somewhat friendless, pressures of work and studies, being broke all the time. But I don’t feel upset. Is there something wrong with me? I saw valentine episode of grey’s anatomy and all I feel is sappy happy. I still believe everything happens for a reason and while I have my down days, I cannot be pessimist all the time. Oh sure, I curse life every now and then (ok more than now and then). But I know I’ll find my rainbow at the end. Whether it’s a white picket fenced house or a shack at some beach, it’ll happen in its own time.
I guess it’s hard to accept that people can be content even things seem tough. And it’s not so tough anyway, unless you count unable to buy books at every whim or call your friend at 1 in night because you want to have ice-cream.
So maybe it’s the medication or maybe it’s my grown up genes or just this burning temperature, I don’t feel sad. I might in another 2 days, but not today.
Ps: ‘dream on’ is playing on my laptop right now.. Coincidence?
PPS: I want to call a certain ex and tell him he was wrong, my decision to go for psych wasn’t wrong. So he can fuck off. Being too mean??
January 29, 2012 § 2 Comments
One of those days where I have a lot to say, a lot to talk about, but just cannot get myself to write anything. If it was a paper journal, my waste paper basket would be full.
I’m being a hypocrite. And I continue to be one. My moral compass says I’m being bad. And I continue on that path. Why? I need people to tell me I’m wrong or tell me I’m right.
I want to sit and talk about life over a cuppa coffee. I want to bitch about my flatmate. I want to giggle at stupid things like innuendos. I want midnight coffee runs. I want midnight ice-cream sessions. All in all, I want my friends here.
I never thought it would be this hard being in a new city, but it is. Turns out it’s easier to date than to make friends. And it’s not like my social calendar is empty. I get out plenty. But it’s all so superficial. Each time I get a call from an old friend, I’m reminded of what I’ve left behind. Each conversation leaves me staring at the phone with tears in my eyes.
Some days all I want to do is have someone hold me and tell me everything’s alright. So I hold myself and do so.