I can say No

Some times people close to you do things that disappoint you. Sometimes you do such things.
But there’s always an expectation that you would stand by each other’s side. Of course, you would. You love them. They love you. Little things don’t matter.
But sometimes you might not want to stand by them. Maybe you don’t agree with the decision or choice. Then what do you do? How do you make the other person understand your decision?
It’s disappointing when your loved ones refuse to understand your reasons. Once in a while I do wanna say no. Once in a while One might not want to follow in your line.
Understand their reasons. Just don’t walk away.

Repeat After Me..

.. I’ll not buy anymore books til I finish the ones I have.
.. I’ll not get tempted by sales and buy more shoes
.. I’ll not, I repeat, Not waste time in watching TV or surfing net.
.. I’ll start exercising, not mental, Physical.
.. I’ll not lose temper.

If I don’t abide by these rules, You have my permission to berate me, yell at me, drag me out of shops.

New Directions or..?

Whenever I complain about being restless/bored, my friends respond with a simple statement – “Do something else then”.
But what else? U suggested making a list of things that I like and the ones that immediately pop in my head. Needless to say, when I started making this list, nothing popped in my head.
I tried taking tests to tell me where do my interests lie. They pointed to my current job. So turns out anything that is related to mathematical or logical field is good for me. Obviously this approach didn’t work either.
So what else?
While all this soul searching was going on, last month handed me a surprise. Chance to move to a new place and pursue something new.
Now, the worry is what if it didn’t work? What if after 7 yrs, itch is back? Too many what ifs, not a single answer in sight.
Changing your life is tough. Choosing the unknown is tougher.
So what to do now? Be sensible and continue as things are. Be a daredevil and just jump?
Decisions. Decisions.

Silent Warriors..

The day my mom was admitted in hospital, she cooked my favorite dish in morning. Just because night before I was complaining about dinner. First thing she asked after coming out of operating theater was about my dad, if he’s doing ok. Such are Moms. Even when they are not well, they are thinking about their family.
I see so many women around me who quietly go on, making sure everything runs smoothly at home, everything is covered at work. Hardly anyone stops and notices them. Of course, culture in West is different. Husbands are supposed to help out. But, not in India. It’s a woman’s job to take care of children. Yes, things are changing. But not as fast as we would like them to be.
But of course, there are exceptions. Some women do make sure you acknowledge their effort even though it’s bare minimum. From what I’ve seen, the ones complaining about so much to do are the ones hardly doing anything. Don’t get me wrong, maybe I’m generalizing too much. But that’s the feeling I get from knowing all these women. Then there are real ‘silent warriors’ who make sacrifices without a word.
My closest friend chose to quit and stay at home, so she can take care of her daughter. Lot of people didn’t like it. Giving up, they said. What about so many other mothers, they asked. Few months down the line, you can see the difference. She’s happier. Her daughter is happier and Healthier, More confident. She doesn’t have to apologize for wanting to be a good mother. It’s all about priorities, you see.
A colleague skips lazying around in the morning to reach work well before others, so she can leave early and spend quality time with her daughter. Everyday she does it. And I’ve never heard her complain. Again, priorities. She actually makes sure she gets to spend time with her daughter than complain about lack of time.
Another friend relies on her nanny and is unapologetic. After all, it takes a strong person to admit you can’t do everything. In her words, “I know I can’t do it alone. And if I can afford it, why not take help?” You’ll never hear her whine at work about how her time is all about her son and is so difficult to manage the two (work and family).

These are 3 completely different personalities, and managing in way they think is best.

But then there are females who claim their child is most important to them and yet, they don’t hesitate to ignore that child to get brownie points at work. Then, there are ones who complain about cooking at home and then bark orders at maid about cutting vegetables, kneading dough etc etc (As another friend said, if someone else will do all preparatory work, I’m ready to cook daily). Issue I have with such people is ‘Nobody asked you to do this. Want to spend time with child. Leave early. Quit. Do whatever gets things done. Don’t want to cook. Get a maid. Don’t tell us how hard your life is. We have our own set of problems.’

Ok, I digress. The whole point was ‘Don’t toot your own horn, Just go ahead and do what you want to’ (without blaming world for it)
Your child knows and when he/she’s 30, they’ll thank the stars for such a wonderful mom 🙂 (before that they might be rebelling)

Life’s not easy

It’s tough. It’s tough being an Indian 30-yr Old Single Girl. Everyone’s wondering why are you single. They try to fix you up with random people. They gently prod you to spill beans. My fav – Everyone assumes you are seeing someone, but just not getting married. It’s funny and It’s exhausting. You spend better half of your day fielding questions about it.
It’s irritating. But, as you are in India, your business is everyone’s business. Not even your friends spare you. Your parents are forever disappointed in you.
I wonder if fulfilling your parent’s dreams and society’s expectation is the only reason you are born. No one’s really concerned about your happiness. Oh yes, they pretend. But they don’t. No one really knows you or care about what you want. There’s a check-list and you are supposed to do things accordingly. If there’s missing check mark, it’s trouble.
So what you like being Single? So what if you are happy being alone? So what you really don’t like people so much?
You were born, so you better fulfill your role.

(Maybe I should just marry some gay guy and get off the market?? Anyone there who needs a reallllly nice Indian wife for pretense?)

Note: Do I sound frustrated? Well, I’m. So back off.

State of Mind

Restless. Tired. Anxious.
As if I’m meant to be somewhere else. If only someone somewhere would give me a sign.
Only if there was a test you could take in life, which will tell you if you are in right place or not.
If Only.

Finally it begins..

I started with my book. First chapter is almost done. And I can’t think of second one. But I’m happy that I started atleast. And re-reading it makes me proud. Hardly anyone will see it. Few would know about it. If I had a month or two, I might just even get around to finishing it. Of course I would have to come up with a real plot before it. But whatever, I got around to jotting something down, it’s more than enough for now.
I’m making few other changes in life as well. Like Work balance. Instead of getting in late and staying late at work. I’m now trying to get in on time and leave on time. Which also means I’m trying to give up my bad habit of sleeping til late in mornings. I’m still not rising at 6, well, maybe one day I’ll.
I’m also seriously considering all the proposals my parents send my way. Not that I like any of those, but the fact I’m considering marrying is a big big change. And it’s serious this time. Yes, I said so before and then I freaked out. But I’m staying put now. So all of you eligible guys, contact me 😉
And of course, Ignoring annoying people at work continues.

Life’s good. can be better. But still good 🙂

Things that I want or don’t want

Everytime I come back from a vacation, I’m either against relationships or wishing for them. When I see annoying couples around me, the ones where one person can’t do anything because other doesn’t want to or like to, I get depressed. I realize I can never be in one of those relationships. I need my space.
Then at times, I meet these awesome couples, the ones who have learned to be friends and understand each other. These people make me wistful and more aware that I’m not just alone, might stay alone for a long long time.
I think I need to go out and have some fun til this wistful feeling goes away 😛

Blocks, Writings and Posts.. All Excuses..

I’ve been meaning to write a post from a long time, but somehow I’ve not been able to finish even a single one.
Anywayz, It’s time to be restless again.
Most of my friends are either leaving city or have already left. It’s depressing. Esp, for my company. So many resignations can’t be good. But then again, new campus hires are cheap. Or maybe we just don’t value employees anymore. It’s sad to see things changing so fast. I recently finished 4 yrs here. (Thank you, thank you). In Indian IT industry, that’s considered long. Most of my friends want me to switch. Maybe I’ll. Maybe I’ll not. Let’s see how things work out.
Problem is I still don’t know what I want to do.

Good Thing is I’m off to Bali next month. G is finally getting married.. Yayyy.. We’ll meet after almost 3 years. Me, G and H. Good Old times. Yayyy.

Bad thing is it’s only for a week.

Worse thing is I’ve been sick for almost a month now. Keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll be better soon.

Things I wanna do

I really want to spend a year or so traveling..
I want to spend time with my camera and learn to use it..
I want to finish all those novels lying around my house..
I want to watch all the movies in my list..
I want to learn scuba-dive..
Most of all, I want to let go of negativity and few people as well 🙂

Unfortunately, everything seems to be on hold… Lets hope I can devote some time to myself and do things that I love and have a productive year