Yet another rant of a desi girl

February 8, 2012 § 2 Comments

It started about two weeks back. One of our family friend’s son got married, and of course that depressed my mother. And like a true mother, she decided to take me to the task. So we had our first fight in a long time. It ended up in both being in tears. I understand her reasons. She’s being described as a bad mother by most of our relatives including my grand-mother for having such children. One married against family’s wishes and doesn’t visit them anymore. Other remains a spinster and has moved to a different country altogether. I should’ve been patient with her, But I wasn’t. I hated being blamed for doing what I think is right. And I hated the fact that I have to bear the brunt of anger towards my brother as well. I spent evening mostly being depressed about being such a disappointment as a daughter. Luckily it got better a day later. Scars were there, but healing.
Til it happened again last night. I tried to tell her that she shouldn’t say things like this. I knew she was hurting due to my brother’s recent lack of calls to her. He has always been her star and she can’t stand not talking to him. So we hurled words that we didn’t mean. We shed tears and stopped talking to each other again.
Now, no matter how much I try to understand it, I cannot grasp the concept of their happiness being related to my marital status. More so, because it’s always prompted by snide remarks of the relatives. Why do these relatives worry so much about my life? I know they don’t care about me. I doubt if anyone would give me their kidney, if required? So Why? Why as an Indian Society, we are so obsessed with marriages? Why does something has to be wrong with the girl and her up-bringing if she chooses to wait for her mr. right?
It’s not that I do no want to get married. I will. Maybe. Or maybe not. But whatever it will be, it will be on my own terms. I refuse to be tied by chains of tradition. Yes, it makes me depressed. Yes, it is the reason for my recent anxiety comeback. Yes, I end up in tears half the time. Yes, I feel guilty and responsible. But you know what? Even after all this, I refuse to give up. My life is not a game where you can place me anywhere as a pawn. If I have to spend rest of my life as a pariah, I will. If it means I die alone, surrounded by fishes, Let it be. At least it will be on my own terms and world can suck it.

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§ 2 Responses to Yet another rant of a desi girl

  • thecytologist says:

    I am hoping that our generation is going to be the last ones to be put through this. I definitely won’t be putting my daughter through it. Unfortunately, in this case, we have to be the ones to bring about the change we would like to see in the world. And because we are, we get the brunt of it all.
    Can’t say that it will get better but I hope that you and your mum come to some sort of a mutual understanding. All the best xx

    • Another Dreamer says:

      I hope so too. But somehow I feel it’ll take little more time. Metros might find it easier to adapt, but small towns and villages are still way behind.

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