Equality and Guys..

March 14, 2011 § 3 Comments

This one is for guys – How many of you were always told to open the door for ladies? or empty seat for them? How many of you still do so? what about paying for dinner? How many believe a guy should pay?
These are strange times. The values/teachings that we grew up with are probably not so valid anymore. As we go more and more closer to much-discussed equality of sexes, such lessons get blurry.
As someone recently pointed out to me, why should a guy pay for the date? or give up seat for a girl?
Maybe I’m old fashioned. Yes, I’m independent and blah blah. However, I still believe a guy should give up his seat for a lady. It’s just common courtesy. Is it biased? Yes. Should it be abolished? I don’t know. This is something which was taught in my house since we were kids. Guys do not hit girls. Guys shouldn’t be sitting if a girl is standing. Maybe with all the talk of equality, I shouldn’t ask for this. Maybe.
Same goes for a dinner. On first date, I expect the guy to pay. Of course, I’ll offer to share the bill. (To be frank, If I don’t plan to go on second date with him, I’ll insist and definitely will pay my share) But somehow if the guy agrees to share or let me take care of the bill without much resistance, he loses points with me. Again, being old fashioned. But don’t you think there’s a charm to letting a guy be a guy?
One of my ex had a thing about dropping me off to my door. He would climb up 4 floors with me, just to see me open the door and get inside. Another one would wait downstairs til I call him from house and tell him I’m safely inside (1 floor only)
These examples look silly. But to me, they meant these guys cared. They took their protective side bit seriously, of course. Then again, do you see me talking about anyone else I dated? To this date, it remains one of the nicest things they did for me.
What does it mean then? With all the talk about independence and feminism, I’m somehow still bit old fashioned.
So while I expect to be treated as an equal, I also want to be treated like a girl. No wonder, guys find it so tough.
They have to be everything now. And worse part is not everyone appreciates old-fashioned courtesies. Some girls scoff at guys who open door for them. Some scoff at ones who didn’t do so. Poor guys. My sympathies are with you.


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§ 3 Responses to Equality and Guys..

  • shiraz says:

    I cant believe that am reading “another dreamer” again. I had registered this name in my history book considering end of a chapter 😉 … but gud to see u back in action again ….

    • Another Dreamer says:

      yayy.. Good to see you back.. And to see myself back.. still trying to be more regular. Let’s see how it works out

  • Eric Wilde says:

    It is possible to be chivalrous while remaining respectful.

    As you’ve probably observed, I do tend to open doors for ladies. I’ve been married more than half my lifetime; but, I still open the door for my wife. Giving up a seat is a bit more nuanced; but, in general it is desirable to offer a lady a seat. Paying for dinner, concert, what-have-you is more context dependent.

    If in a romantic situation, then of course the guy should do everything they can do treat his partner like a lady. Pay for dinner – a *nice* dinner. Pay the cab fare. Open doors. Be gracious. All of that. Its part of the courtship ritual. From a purely selfish point of view, its much more effective with the ladies. 🙂

    If in a business or friendship situation then its usually more important to stress equality. Minor actions like holding open doors, etc. are appropriate. You just have to make sure to also treat the lady with the respect and deference you would treat any man at the office.

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