Words and laughter

March 9, 2011 § 2 Comments

When we met, We parried with words day and night
That’s what got us closer
made me charming to you, and you to me.

Now that we have been together so long,
we still parry with words
but the laughter is gone from them
it’s what I hate about you, you about me.

Where did we lose the laughter?
Did you notice?
Was it when I ignored you for days
or was it when you forgot me in nights…

How do we go on without it?
Do you know?
Can you tell me?
And will you notice when I’m gone?
I don’t know if I will.

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§ 2 Responses to Words and laughter

  • Eric Wilde says:

    Been there. πŸ™‚

    Again, nicely evocative. You might reconsider the final two lines, not for content but for wording. You drift in and out of active voice; but, the final two lines are more extremely passive voice than the rest of the poem. Consistent active voice would make the poem more forceful.

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