What was this about?
April 24, 2008 § 1 Comment
I was always “one of the guys”.
Was it a side-effect of studying with 20 guys and just me? Or was it the way my father raised me to be – Being a girl is no excuse for lagging behind in anything? Or was the way my mother never differentiated between me and my brother for anything?
I was good in bullying people. I hated soft-toys. I wore sneaker for years. Make-up was for frivolous people. My then boy-friend was always happy that he could talk to me about guy-stuff (btw..is there any line now?) and that I never whine like girls. I hated flowers. I hated pink. White and black were my colors. Red was strict No. I was more happy after a round of AOE on computer than with shopping. I couldn’t even walk in heels at one point of time (yup.. I know that’s Hard to believe). I had one pair of Indian ethnic to be worn in every function. Skirts were for school kids. My friends were in shock for a whole evening when i turned up in a saree once.
And then I changed. I don’t know how? I can’t even recall when.
I think it started with my then love-of-life (please note this one wasn’t happy with my guy-stuff talk). Was it the clothes he bought me or made me buy? Was it the subtle hints that I should wear more color? Was it that un-ending supply of jewelry that looked so feminine? Or flowers for every occasion? or Soft toys to remind me of him when he wasn’t around?
Well.. Whatever it was.. Love was lost but I was transformed. Funny, isn’t it? Poor guy worked for years trying to make a lady out of rebel me. And when finally Rebel Spell was broken, He wasn’t around to see it.
And Here I’m today. Always dressing right. Never forgetting jewelry to match or Shoes. Infact, have a fetish of shoe-shopping. Indulging in Girl Gossips. (I finally have girl friends to talk to). Shopping relaxes me nowadays. I still don’t like soft-toys but I have too huge a collection of those to do anything about it. I’m still not very fond of getting flowers, but I think someone is again changing that. I seem to like receiving them. (or is it my mean streak which rejoices when my colleagues look at me enviously?). And I cry. Something which was limited to locked bathroom, happens in not-so-private areas now. And I tell certain people about it. (Now this is more strange for me than ever)
Anyways so what was the whole point of writing it? I’m sure there was something I wanted to share before I started whole me then versus now thing. Yes, everything is about me after all.
But its funny how, in span of 10 years, you change. You grow from a rebel child to not-so-rebel grown-up. How things that used to matter, don’t matter now? How things which weren’t important then are important now?
It’s funny the way you lose people in between. then you find some. then some find you and some lose you.
Well.. this has been a long post.. Let me ponder over it some more and frame a better post.