Bridal Blues

October 27, 2013 § 1 Comment

45 days til I get married.

Last time I posted, it was about the Cancer news. S has been dealing well with it. There was a bit of hiccup on the way when we were told chemo wasn’t working as expected. So new treatment and life goes on. 

Isn’t it amazing that amidst all, the thing that I stress most about is our wedding? It’s going to be a intercultural wedding. West meets Indian. And we are not there to plan it. Though it’s been good for us. My parents have been taking care of everything, involving us in decisions and then doing what they want to do. Yup, instead of me being bride-zilla, we have my parents doing that. The hardest part was when my mother announced that she has ordered my wedding dress. I almost had a melt-down. After few heated Skype conversations, few mails to the designer and we have it sorted now.

So, all we have to do is show up, finish off the shopping and voila, married. 



Well done, Universe

May 7, 2013 § 5 Comments

This easter I got engaged. Exciting, Yes? It would be easier to think that all I have done since then is to celebrate. I did celebrate. For a week.

Then things started to go wrong. Fiancé got sick and wouldn’t get better. This led to tests. Tests led to spinal surgery. Few nights at the hospital and all was well. Or so we thought. Last week, during his doctor’s appointment, we found out that he has cancer and he need to have treatment asap. I think I went into some sort of semi-coma. We were there to hear everything was alright. He was doing so well after the surgery. We were not ready to hear bad news. ‘Take it away’, I wanted to scream. We held each other and came home. I wanted to be angry at him. At me. At the doctors. For two nights, I cried myself to sleep. While he, who in fact is the patient, held me and wiped my tears. I walked around feeling like a zombie. Then somehow we got back to our routine life. Planning wedding. Reception. Engagement Party. All the frivolous stuff.

Sometimes everything is normal. We are planning holidays, watching movies, just being us. Then you are given this bad news. You wonder if it’s some sort of punishment? Is it because I’m not a big believer in god? Is it because we were being too happy? Are we jinxed somehow? Did someone curse us? You sit there and come up with all sorts of stupid reasons. Because this f***** doesn’t make sense.

I should be grateful for all the support from family, work, and friends. I’m not. I don’t want to be. Because I don’t want to be in this situation. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t want to talk about it. How does one deal with such feelings of helplessness?

His chemo starts next week. We don’t know if it’ll work. No one knows. We also booked our reception venue.

New hopes, New dreams

January 15, 2013 § 2 Comments

It’s been a year and half since I moved to Melbourne. In this brief time, I have seen heartbreak, loneliness, challenges, joy, adventures, love and so much more. 

I spent years trying to break out from the mold set out for me. I did. Successfully and Happily,  not without its casualties though. I would never know if it was this rebel that led to heartbreak, or something else. I continue to be a disappointing child. In fact, I have raised the level of disappointment by falling in love with the most inappropriate boy. But I’m happy. I guess that’s the cost you pay.

I spent new year’s eve in a Temple at Kyoto. It wasn’t peaceful at all, contrary to what you might think. However I was surrounded by love. That makes me happy. 

I’ve thinking of new challenges. I’ll be finishing my Psych Diploma this year. And I don’t want to pursue it further. Mostly because I have found new dreams. They mostly include more travel. I haven’t been to the other side of the world. I need to see it all. It’s on the recent trip to Japan I realized that traveling is the only thing I want to do, apart from reading books all day. So Work, Save and Travel it’s going to be. With a mortgage somehow 🙂

Long Due Post

October 31, 2012 § Leave a comment

It’s been a while since I last blogged. It’s not that I didn’t want to blog all this while. I have all these posts sitting in the draft folder that never saw light of the day. 

So what have I been up to? 

I went to Tasmania in June. I visited family in India in June/July. I’m going to Japan in December.

I’ve more than enough responsibilities at work. I don’t understand why people want to get in the management. It’s just pain in ass. Keeping track of what other people are doing just gives you less time to do what you want to do. Anyway, Work’s been ok.

I might be failing this semester, or not. Exams next week, if I get time to study… Ah well. Never mind. It’s still fun though.

I’ve moved out on my own. While it’s lonelier, it’s also more fun. I like my new place. I get to decorate it the way I want. It’s fun. 

Overall, it’s a good life. There are still people who are really annoying. But then again, what can we do about them except to shoot them, maybe?

The Hill by Rupert Brooke

May 14, 2012 § Leave a comment

Breathless, we flung us on the windy hill,
   Laughed in the sun, and kissed the lovely grass.
   You said, “Through glory and ecstasy we pass;
Wind, sun, and earth remain, the birds sing still,
When we are old, are old… .” “And when we die
   All’s over that is ours; and life burns on
Through other lovers, other lips,” said I,
—-“Heart of my heart, our heaven is now, is won!”

“We are Earth’s best, that learnt her lesson here.
   Life is our cry. We have kept the faith!” we said;
   ”We shall go down with unreluctant tread
Rose-crowned into the darkness!” … Proud we were,
And laughed, that had such brave true things to say.
—-And then you suddenly cried, and turned away.

Nope, Don’t ask me..

April 24, 2012 § Leave a comment

..for book recommendations.

I love reading. Everyone knows that. And I love telling people what to do. Most people know this too. But I really don’t appreciate being asked for book recommendations. Not because I don’t want you to read good books, Oh No. If I see you reading CB book, my first reaction is definitely to recommend a better book (well, any book to be honest). But because, I find it annoying. Here’s the list why it is annoying

  • I don’t know what you like. Books are like perfume oils. Same perfume oil smells differently on different people. Some like it. some hate it. So while I might like certain book, you might not.
  • Fact that you do not have a long TBR (to-be-read) list makes me wonder about your reading habits.
  • I have a bad memory recollection. Even though I love a certain book, I won’t be able to recall its name.
  • Joy of discovering new books. I want you to feel it. Whether it’s by browsing an online site/blog/twitter, you come across an awesome book or by looking at it in a bookseller’s shop. Or better in a garage sale or second-hand bookshop. Nothing beats this joy.
  • You really do not want to move out of your comfort zone. You have a favorite genre, you want to stick with it. I read 5 different genres at any given point. How am I supposed to know what you like?
  • If I liked you enough, I would’ve gifted you a book already which would be my recommendation.

That said, Some of my favorite books are recommendations by friends (few were actually forced on me, some were gifted)
So best solution is go on goodreads, perv on your friend’s reading lists. Join groups/book clubs. Read reviews. Because when you don’t like something recommended by a booknerd, God kills a kitten. Do not put God in such a position.

You want a Men’s Day, Go ahead

March 9, 2012 § 3 Comments

Every second day, there is at least one post on facebook disparaging women, usually in form of jokes. Some are funny, some are not. But always there, in your face. Then on International Women’s Day, the number of such posts multiplies. There are few about how there is no men’s day or some way of saying men have it worse. It pisses me off. Yes, it’s a joke. I get it. But do you get it? It’s the jokes like this which keeps sexism alive. It’s your funny comment which keeps problems faced by women under wraps or be made trivialized.
You want a men’s day. Go ahead, Have it. I just want to be safe. Promise me there will be no rape. Promise me I won’t be beaten up by my boyfriend or husband. Promise me I won’t be killed in the womb itself, just because I’m a girl. Promise me I won’t be patronized at work because of my gender.
You can’t promise any of this. All you can do is to show me the respect I deserve. So how about you start showing it? Humor is good, humor is fun. But when humor leads to more stereotyping, maybe you need better subjects/topics.
As a woman, I don’t want an International Women’s Day. I don’t want reservations. I don’t want any special treatment. I feel sad that we still need to have it. All I ask is for equality. Ability to lead my life as I choose to. Be treated with respect. Is it really so much to ask?